Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
