What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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