We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
this hospital has no fireball
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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