I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
