I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
