it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
