She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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