Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
