you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
