whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
well you can't waste a boner
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
