this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
