And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
