Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
