She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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