I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
