I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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