I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
