Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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