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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
