Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
