1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
