Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
