Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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