i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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