I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who died my cat blue again?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
