Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
