1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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