on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
