i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
