from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
