Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
PANTIES FOUND
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
