I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
