when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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