Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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