It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
