dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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