Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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