when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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