If i come over, it means nothing
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
