So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
