Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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