Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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