But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
