come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
