Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
