just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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