I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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