guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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