1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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