No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
