That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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