that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
