You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
